Squash Bugs - Burn In Hell?

Yes, squash bugs can burn in hell. They can all die and burn in the fourth circle of hell because their gluttonous ways have destroyed my squash plants, yet again. They are bad insects and I do not care for them. As you can see on this poorly shot but extremely exciting video below I have made the squash bugs pay the ultimate price. I do not apologize for these actions. We at Joe's Farm like to take swift and decisive action when it comes to squash bugs. If Joe's Farm cannot enjoy the finest squash this world has ever seen then neither can the squash bugs.

When dealing with squash bugs some people might use insecticides or organic insecticide soaps. Some people like to use a food grade diatomaceous earth that they sprinkle around the base of their plants and let their little microscopic razor blades cut up the stupid squash bug. We at Joe's Farm use a scorched earth policy followed up by a squish and smash campaign where we root the squash bug out of their hiding places after the squash plant has been ripped from the ground and set on fire.

Squash Bugs - Love Them or Hate Them?

Squash Bugs - Love Them or Hate Them?

We at Joes Farm hate them. Why, you might ask? Because they are stupid bugs that kill my squash plants year after year. This year the joke is on the stupid squash bugs. The joke is a 2 part joke.

Part A: Jokes on them because we have already harvested enough squash that if we lined it up end to end it might go to the moon and back. We harvested so much squash that we had to give it away. This is a problem that we have never experienced on Joes Farm up until this year when we revolutionized farming with our never before seen irrigation system. Our squash harvest is nearly done for the summer, suckers.

Part B: Jokes on them because I am going to rain down fire upon the stupid squash bugs and they are going to die a fiery death at the hands of my flame throwing torch. I will post pictures of this at a later date. I have a BBQ to go to and I cannot tend to this right now.

Here are some pictures of the stupid squash bugs and their stupid family. They will pay the ultimate price for attacking Joes Farm.

If you love squash bugs or hate them, Joes Farm would love to hear why. Post a comment.

Beets

Joes Farm is back to talk about something important. That something important is beets. Joes Farm grows the crap out of them. Our results speak for themselves.

This is Joes Farm Beet field in the beginning of the season.

This is the first harvest of the year. It was incredible! Beet farming in the desert.

These are the beet greens from the first harvest that was shown in the previous picture. Not only can we grow the finest vegetables around but we can cook them better than anyone, ever.

These are the beets and the beet greens on a plate on display ready to eat. The dark red are a detroit style beet and the light color are chiogga beets. Both are equally delicious. If you eat a lot of beets don't be concerned the next day when going to the bathroom. The beets make your poop and pee red.

This is a bag full of beets from our second harvest of beets. The beet greens were substantial, as you can clearly see.

















These are the beets from the second harvest at Joes Farm. The beets were of many different sizes. I put a tennis ball in there as a reference. It is yellow.

These are beets from last year. they were part of a test run on beets. They were huge. I mean softball sized huge. They convinced us to double down on beets this year.

These are the beets from last year fresh from the old beet roaster. They were good.

Big Juicy Melons

Joes Farms Loves Big Juicy Melons! 

Lucky for us, we just happen to have a pair of big juicy succulent melons here on Joes Farm. To the long time Joes Farm readers you might remember the melon harvest of '09. The '09 melons were plentiful, juicy and the finest of fine tasting melons in the history of cultivated melons. We at Joes Farm have never tasted such a fine melon.

Since that record setting inaugural melon harvest of '09 we have been struggling in the juicy melon department. We had exploding watermelons in 2010. The damn melons exploded then they were eaten by ants.

In 2011 we were battling squash bugs. Those asshole bugs seem to target any kind of vine type plant. I hate squash bugs. 2012 I don't recall what the hell happened. This year, things are different, so far.

I know what you are thinking, Joes Farm, what is different about this year. Well I will tell you. The difference is water. Turns out I was not watering fields 3 and 4 enough. I thought I was but I was not. I found out this spring when a wise gardener paid Joes Farm a visit in the early days of the 2013 growing season. When Joes Farm thought the water was adequate but it was not. Joes Farm took measures to increase the frequency of watering and we also used cutting edge technology to automate the task of irrigation.

Now, Check out the big juicy melons.

These are some older photos of the juicy melons that are growing as wee speak.

These are some current pictures of the big juicy melons. I like the way they look. The melon harvest of '09 produced the best tasting melon ever eaten. If these taste half as good we are going to be in good shape.

Happy Farming!

Love,

Joes Farm

Beet The Beets Up

Joes Farm Is Back!!!

After a short hiatus Joes Farm returns. I have been receiving feed back from avid Joes Farm readers from all over the world to please bring Joes Farm to its former glory. While I put the blog on hold the farm has been moving full steam ahead. We are constantly growing, cultivating, and nurturing Joes Farm.

The most recent win for Joes Farm was our first beet harvest. We started cultivating these beets from seed many, many moons ago. The beets are a Detroit Deep Dark Red and super delicious. These were one of our new test crops and based on the performance of this initial harvest Joes Farm will be inserting the Detroit Deep Dark Red and super delicious into the regular planting rotation. Joes Farm has also acquired some more exotic forms of beet seeds to test out on Joes Farm.

Joes Farm made a recent visit to Whole Foods. We normally don't need to purchase produce from Whole Foods but we wanted to run a head to head competition with high grade commercially raised organic USA Grade A+++ Beets. It would be the Whole Foods high grade commercially raised organic USA Grade A+++ Beets VS. Joes Farm Detroit Deep Dark Red and super delicious Beets.

From the start Joes Farm was out number by the empire of Whole Foods. It was a real David and Goliath situation. We purchased 2 bundles of 3 beets from Whole Foods and we harvested both beets from Joes Farm.

You can see from the photographic evidence below that Joes Farm beets and Whole Foods Beets were different colors. That is also what I noticed first too.

Once we harvested and cleaned the beets from Joes Farm and the beets from Whole Foods we greased them up, salted them, wrapped them in foil, and roasted them at 425 for damn near 2 hours. Keep in mind that these were some gigantic beets. We don't mess with no little beets on Joes Farm.

For everyone out there who is less experienced with beets than we are at Joes Farm You can easily peel the skin off the beets once you let them cool. It is important that you let them cool because they are probably 425 degrees when you take the out of the oven. Joes Farm Detroit Deep Dark Red and super delicious Beets were not as easy to peel the skin off of probably because they were a higher quality beet. After peeling them we put them in Joes Farm Refrigerator in some of Joes Farm Tupperware. The next day we went ahead and cut the beets up and ate them on a beet salad. It was outstanding. It turns out that Joes Farm Beets were neck and neck with Whole Foods high grade commercially raised organic USA Grade A+++ Beets.

Free Sneaker Contest

Joes Farmers, Go to http://www.tips4running.com/ follow the instructions to enter and possibly win a free pair of running shoes!!! Joes Farm was interviewed on this awesome and informative website http://www.tips4running.com/ . We talked about my competitive running and sustainable farming methods. So check it out if anyone still reads the Joes Farm Blog.

Joes farm announces the launch of a new mobile site. Get breaking farm news on the go from anywhere in the world.